I just saw a hot homeless man
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
