I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
