Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
