He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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