thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Im part way to drunk.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
