sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize