we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
