what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
