Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
two words...techno handjob
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
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