Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
