You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
