That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
