I wannas sexs uuuuu
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize