i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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