My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
