Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
