I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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