My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
