your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
