You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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