He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
