and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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