If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize