I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
