As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
