Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
