forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
