i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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