He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How does one acquire holy water?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
