Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
