how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
