Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
