Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
