I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
