just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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