ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
