I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
