Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
