Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
