We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
