How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
