wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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