I've blown a few things in my day
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
