Already got asked if we're dating
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
