you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just tell him i said nine months
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
