Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
