I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
