What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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