I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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