I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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