have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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