I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
