Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
