This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
