dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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