dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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