Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
