I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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