capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize