Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
