well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
