There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
