Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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