the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
where are you?
Hypothermia
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
