It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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