My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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