is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize