Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
