i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
