hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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