cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
