I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
