I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
