They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
