i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
