I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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