He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
