That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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