thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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