I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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