you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
