she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
