2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
