Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
