sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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