It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
