If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
