I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize