Got a toothbrush?
no, he came in my armpit
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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