I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize