a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
