I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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