Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize