so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
