i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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