I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
