I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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