she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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