Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
