I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
