omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
