When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize