It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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