You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
